FLOOR 12
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employee photo
NAMEMortimer
DESK4471
STATUStemp, week 1

Mortimer

two week temp job. currently in week one.

SCROLL
THE COFFEE MACHINE ONLY MAKES ONE KIND PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST THE THERMOSTAT FLOOR 13 IS ALSO FLOOR 12 SOMEONE PUT A NAME ON THE YOGURT THE PRINTER IS FINE BADGE MUST BE VISIBLE AT ALL TIMES THE MEETING MOVED TO A ROOM THAT IS NOT ON THE MAP THE COFFEE MACHINE ONLY MAKES ONE KIND PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST THE THERMOSTAT FLOOR 13 IS ALSO FLOOR 12 SOMEONE PUT A NAME ON THE YOGURT THE PRINTER IS FINE BADGE MUST BE VISIBLE AT ALL TIMES THE MEETING MOVED TO A ROOM THAT IS NOT ON THE MAP
CONTRACTsoonclick to copy

The employee

DESK 4471 / 9:04 AM

i came in for a two week temp job. the badge still opens the door, so i keep showing up.

nobody has given me a task since. nobody has taken one away either. my inbox has one unread message and it has been sitting there long enough that opening it now would be rude.

i know which chair squeaks. i know which drawer sticks. i know the exact minute the light above me starts to hum. that is the whole job and i am good at it.

Mortimer standing with a mug

Office policy

POSTED BY THE ELEVATOR / 11:20 AM

  1. the last one out turns off the lights. nobody has ever been the last one out.

  2. label your food. i will still smell it.

  3. the meeting starts at ten. the meeting has always started at ten.

  4. do not press the fourth button. it also goes to twelve.

  5. if the printer jams, walk away and let the next person find it.

the break room
FIG. 01 / THE BREAK ROOM. ONE KIND OF COFFEE.

Tickets filed

RESPONSE TIME: EVENTUAL / 2:47 PM
REPORTEDORIGINRESOLUTION
my monitor makes a noise when i turn it on.
DESK 2C / FILED 4 YEARS AGO
that is the noise it makes.
the light above me flickers.
DESK 5A / FILED MONDAY
it is not flickering. you are blinking.
there is a cat in a suit at desk 4471.
DESK 3F / FILED TWICE
he was here first.
can someone reset my password.
DESK 3B / FILED AT 4 AM
your password is fine. caps lock is on.
what time does the office close.
DESK 1A / FILED AT 5:58 PM
ticket closed.
the copier
FIG. 02 / THE COPIER. ONE PAGE, NINE HUNDRED TIMES.

Performance review

Q4 AND EVERY Q BEFORE IT / 4:51 PM
ATTENDANCEperfect
INITIATIVEnot observed
TEAMWORKthere is no team
LUNCHtaken, all of it
NOTESsee below
Figures pending the numbers show up when the contract does.
i am not in a hurry. the day is long.
6:40 PM

the lights go off on a timer. i do not.

the badge works tomorrow too. i checked. i check every night.

ProcessedFILE 4471 / REV 12 / PAGE 1 OF 1
copied. back to your desk.